


My Love

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sweater Weather - Fandom
Genre: Coast to Coast, Inspired by Lumosinlove, M/M, Multi, Song: My Love (Westlife), Sweater Weather spin-off, but i was very excited to write this, not my characters or story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Based off @lumosinlove's fanfics Sweater Weather and Coast to Coast.Logan Tremblay realises he's in love with his best friend, but he's not the only one who has eyes on Finn O'Hara. Finn struggles to come to terms with his feelings for his best friend of four years, and his new teammate and now flatmate.
Relationships: Finn O'Hara/Leo Knut, Finn O'Hara/Logan Tremblay
Comments: 44
Kudos: 196





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lumosinlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosinlove/gifts).



_Gryffindor, 2019_

“ _No_ , Logan, can you just _listen_ to me for once?” Finn growled, running a hand through his hair and pacing back and forth in front of the bed that Logan was currently perched on. _His_ bed. 

“I don’t— Look, Harz, I see the way you look at him. I know—“ Finn heard a choked sob and whipped his head towards Logan, startled. He had _never_ seen the other boy cry before, not in their four years of being best mates. 

“Lo...” Finn carefully lowered himself onto his knees directly in front of Logan, who turned his head to swipe angrily at his eyes. 

“I know I don’t have the right to say anything, fuck, _I_ pushed _you_ away all those years ago. You deserve— You deserve to be with Leo,” The last line was barely a whisper, a cracked voice. Logan dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, rubbing at them furiously. 

Finn’s gaze darted all over the other boy’s face, at a loss of what to do. His heart split itself right through the middle again and again for the boy he had loved for all these years, even though he’d never admitted it to anyone. Sometimes he refused to admit it to himself too. His hands trembled, clenching and unclenching by his sides, unsure whether to reach out towards the already volatile boy. 

“I— I see the way he looks at you too, you know?” 

Logan finally lifted his emerald eyes to meet Finn’s blazing amber ones. They travelled all over the redhead’s face, slowly, longingly, desperately, before coming to a halt at his lips. 

Finn held his breath, not daring to say a word. Yet, Logan looked away anyway, breathing out in a shaky exhale. 

Finn licked his lips nervously, “We— We’re not, I don’t— He— I don’t know what’s going on.” His shoulders slumped and he sat back on his heels, letting his too long auburn hair fall into his eyes. 

“He likes you,” Logan smiled bitterly. “And you like him too. That’s what’s going on.”

Finn bit down hard on his lip. He had never been this confused in his life. Living with Leo hadn’t changed his feelings for Logan, not at first, anyway. Finn O’Hara wondered if there would ever be a day where he’d stop looking at Logan Tremblay as though he hung up all the stars in the night sky. 

He didn’t think there would be. 

Still, Finn found himself wondering. Wondering about Leo, wondering if the tall boy’s frequent accidental hand brushes meant anything, wondering if the soft smiles that had his heart thudding in his chest meant what he was afraid it meant. 

There was only one way to find out, wasn’t there?

With a renewed fervour, Finn raised himself up on his knees once again and planted his rough palms on either side of Logan’s face. He took a moment to gaze deep into Logan’s red-rimmed eyes, before he crushed their lips together.

Logan moaned, loudly, into Finn’s mouth and all his self control snapped. He raised himself onto his feet and lifted Logan by the back of his thighs, squeezing them such that Logan wrapped his legs around Finn’s waist tightly, all the while never breaking the kiss. He pulled Logan’s body flush against his, hands in a death grip on his arse to hold him up. Logan, who was clutching onto both of Finn’s shoulders, moved a hand up to Finn’s messy locks, grabbing a fistful of it roughly. When Finn paused to let out a filthy moan, Logan took the opportunity to plunge his tongue deep into his mouth. 

Finn walked them backwards towards the wall on the opposite end of his room, kicking random knick knacks on the floor that he somehow _just knew_ were there, out of the way. Spinning around at the last second, he pressed Logan up against said wall, hard. He pulled away for a moment to breathe heavily, but didn’t let his lips stray anywhere further than the corner of Logan’s mouth. Logan whined impatiently, grinding down against Finn’s already straining erection in his sweatpants, and Finn dived right back into the kiss. _God_ , he thought, _he could kiss Logan Tremblay forever_ , as his heart pounded loud and strong in his chest. 

He slipped his hands under Logan’s sweatshirt and ran his hands up and down his torso, feeling the taut ab muscles trembling under his featherlight touches. Logan broke away for a second, bumping his forehead on Finn’s shoulder as he barely managed to gasp out a “Stop, stop, I’m ticklish, I’m _tiCKLISH_ ,” in between peals of breathy laughter. 

Finn smirked at the giggling boy leaning on his shoulder and nosed at Logan’s exposed neck, licking his way up to his ear before whispering, “God, Lo, you’re so _fucking_ sexy, I will never stop wanting you.” 

The laughing stopped immediately, and Finn felt rather than heard Logan’s sharp intake of breath. He closed his eyes, mouth hanging open as Logan started pressing open mouthed kisses on the side of his neck, sucking on a sensitive spot which made Finn’s hips buck hard against Logan’s. He felt a wave of desire coursing through his veins, igniting sparks all over his body and pooling deep in his groin. One of Logan’s hands raked through Finn’s hair clumsily, tilting his head to expose more of his neck to his mouth, while the other tugged at the neckline of his jumper. His lips moved south until he reached Finn’s collarbone, and then he felt teeth lightly scraping against the skin there. 

“Fu— Fuck, Lo, _fuck_ ,” Finn scrambled to grab the back of Logan’s neck, manoeuvring him so that they were forehead to forehead and nose to nose, lips centimetres apart.

Logan looked absolutely debauched; his green orbs looked molten and slightly glazed over, with golden flecks reflecting the candle flame in the far corner of the room, his lips, which he had pulled between his teeth, were swollen from all the kissing, and his hair was a wild mess, his cap having been knocked off at some point without either of them realising. His chest rose and fell quickly, and Finn could feel his still prominent bulge pressed against his own. 

“You alright there, Lo?” Finn pulled back slightly to look directly into Logan’s eyes. They snapped back into focus, though he was still breathing heavily, and then something suddenly flashed in those green eyes as they bore into Finn’s, straight into his soul. 

His heart stopped for a moment. 

Was that hope? Or was that fear? Even worse, was that _guilt_? Finn couldn’t tell. 

He never did find out either, as at that exact moment, Finn’s phone started ringing, startling the two flushed boys clutching onto each other as though their lives depended on it. 

Logan tugged on Finn’s jumper, avoiding eye contact, and Finn released his hold on him, lifting him back down on the floor gently. He padded over to the nightstand where his phone had been charging, and attempted to remove his jumper with one hand as he clicked on the speaker button on his phone. He didn’t realise how warm he had gotten over the past half an hour. 

“Hey, Harzy, you home?”

Something about the way he said _home_ made Finn turn, with half his head and one arm still caught in the jumper, to glance at Logan, who in turn had frozen, an unreadable expression masking his features. His jaw was clenched and he was pointedly looking away from Finn. 

“Er... Finn? You there?”

“Yeah— no, yeah, I’m here— I—“ Finn fumbled with his words, still a bit breathless as he tugged the rest of the jumper off, leaving him in the plain white singlet he had under. He sat on the edge of the bed, right beside the nightstand, “Yeah, I’m home, what’s up, Knutty?”

“Are you alright? You sound flustered,” Leo’s voice sounded deeper and raspier over the phone and Finn’s heart did a series of mini backflips, but he was also still staring at Logan and feeling a thousand knives stabbing into the very same heart. 

“No, yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. What’s up?” Finn pressed once again, feeling the tension in the room building exponentially. 

“Right, aaaand I don’t believe a word you’re saying. I’m on the way back now, we’ll talk later, yeah Harzy? Just wanted to make sure you’ll be in. I’ve gotten some takeout for dinner. ... See you soon?”

“Oh, err, yeah— okay, yes. That sounds great,” Finn mumbled. His mind was on overdrive, trying to have a conversation with himself while actually having a conversation with Leo at the same time. Maybe he shouldn’t have had that phone call over the speaker. But then again, it would’ve been weird if he had turned it off halfway through... Right? Logan _knew_ Leo. They were friends and teammates too, after all. “Thanks, Nut. See you.”

The line disconnected. 

The silence stretched on between the two boys in the room as Finn stared dumbly at his phone screen, which had long gone black, while Logan leaned against the dresser with his hands in his jean pockets, his eyes fixed on his sock-clad feet, crossed at the ankle. 

Finn was racking his brain, trying to figure out how to move on from that, when Logan quietly cleared his throat and whispered, not without difficulty, “I— I should go.”

Finn lifted his gaze, matching Logan’s for a few seconds. He furrowed his brows, searching deep for something, _anything_ that would help him understand what Logan was feeling at that moment. 

The distance between them in his small bedroom could very well have been that of a whole rink, the way things were playing out. 

_How had that happened?_ Finn chided himself miserably as Logan began scouting the room for his phone and bag. _Why had he gone and fucked everything up? He should’ve kept his damn hands to himself, damn it damn it damn it—_

“Erm, I gotta use the bathroom quick. Do you mind if I...?” Logan jerked his head towards the guest bathroom in the apartment, and Finn snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah, go ahead,” He shrugged as Logan ducked into the bathroom, locking the door. He turned to face the wall, letting his forehead thump against the cool surface. 

Finn sighed, torn between the boy he called his best friend, grown up and spent the past few years of his life with, and the sweet, shy boy he trained with, had come to flatshare with by chance, but was slowly but surely growing affections for. 

He quickly stepped away from the wall, attempting to resume his original position as Logan stepped out of the bathroom, looking over at him nervously, eyes bright. 

Finn didn’t know what he was doing, but he tried anyway.

“Ah... Look, Lo, maybe we should talk about this,” Finn seemed to be gauging his facial expression as he spoke slowly and hesitantly. 

Logan contemplated this for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip.

“I— Yeah?” He looked up. 

“Yeah,” Finn nodded in confirmation. He took a step closer, and another and another until he was almost touching Logan, gaze never leaving the shorter boy’s. 

“Lo, I... I want... I...” He took in a shuddering breath. Finding no words to express how he felt now that he actually had the opportunity to, he couldn’t do anything but lean down and capture Logan’s lips once again. He felt the other boy’s tense form relax in his embrace. 

This time, the kiss was different. No longer passionate and fiery, but gentle, slow and sweet. One hand came up to cup Logan’s cheek as the other rested on his waist. He brushed his thumb across his cheekbone and felt the light stubble under his fingertips. 

He smiled into the kiss. _Idiot probably got too lazy to shave again._ He bit down on Logan’s bottom lip and ran his tongue over it, and Logan parted for him with a small whine at the back of his throat. 

His other hand traced the waistband of Logan’s jeans over his sweatshirt, yearning to touch him again. He lifted the soft dri-fit fabric and slipped his hand under, feeling Logan shiver as his cold fingertips met warm skin. He rested his palm on the small of his back and pressed in, pulling Logan in to close the distance between their bodies. 

The fingers now under Logan’s chin trailed down slowly, feeling the throbbing pulse at his neck before following the chain of his fleur-de-lis necklace down to the center of his chest. 

Logan’s lips were soft, though slightly chapped from the approaching winter. Finn could still taste remnants of the chai latte he had been drinking just two hours earlier, when they had decided they needed a Starbucks run after the early morning training earlier that day. The slightly spicy taste was mixed with the sweet caramel notes lingering on Logan’s tongue. 

_I don’t know, I never used to like it either,_ Finn had thought out loud when Logan made a face at the chai latte he had been holding in his hand. _It just... grew on me, he shrugged._ Logan had just laughed loudly, head thrown back, and continued sipping his iced caramel latte, not paying any mind to the biting cold wind that had mussed up both their hair under their caps. 

Finn couldn’t get enough of him. He really couldn’t. He sighed into Logan’s mouth as long fingers travelled down his back, and spread out over the curve of his arse, before disappearing completely. He felt Logan tiptoe slightly and the hands appeared again, fingers threading through his hair. _God, he loved that so much. He loved Logan so much._

“Mm... Harz… _Merde_ , so good,” Logan mumbled while trying not to break their kiss. He grinded his hips slowly against Finn’s, feeling both of them getting hard again. “I love this, mmph, I love you...”

_Wait, what?_ Finn’s brain short circuited as he registered Logan’s words. 

Logan’s eyes flew open as he froze, looking stricken. Finn’s heart thundered in his chest and then clenched painfully as he watched Logan flinch away as though his touch burned him. 

“Fuck, I... Harz— Fuck,” Logan backed himself up against the wall, letting it hold his trembling frame up as words eluded him.

“Lo...”

The front door banged open. 

“Harz, get your arse out of whatever book I _know_ you’re reading, I’m starving and I swear if you tell me _five more minutes_ again I will—“ Leo turned the corner from their entryway and stopped short at the sight of Finn and Logan still frozen to the spot before him. 

Lip quivering, Logan tore his eyes away from Finn, darting between the two boys a few times before hurriedly snatching up his bag from the ground and dashing out of their living room without another word. 

“Wait, Lo—” Finn was on his heels in an instant, but the door slammed shut before Finn could stop him. 

“ _Fuck_. Fuck fuckfuckfuckfu—“ He pounded his fist into the closed door and barely winced as pain spiked through his knuckles. He let his head fall against the wood as he heaved in deeply, trying to stop himself from collapsing on the floor as he felt his heart shatter.


	2. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta admit, I don't really speak French, so thank you to slytherinqween on Tumblr for helping me out with translations!! I was so nervous to write this, but I hope you guys like it. Special thanks to Han and Molls for dealing with my anxious ramblings about this fic the past few days <3
> 
> Song in this chapter is Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens! Sorry, the actual song that inspired this fic will only come in the next chapter HAHAHA.

“Uhh, Harz, are you alright?”

Finn turned his head and found a pair of concerned baby blue eyes staring at him from around the corner of the entryway. He swallowed once, twice, and not trusting his own voice, he shook his head. He turned back and thumped his head against the door again before flipping over and sliding down onto the cold floor. 

Leo’s shadow loomed over him as he approached, crouching before him in a perfect Asian squat that would’ve been comical had he not felt so utterly torn apart at that moment.

“You wanna talk about it?” Leo tried to keep his tone light, but the slight waver in his voice at the sight of his flatmate betrayed him.

“No, yes, I don’t know,” Finn choked out. “I’m sorry, you should go eat if you’re hungry, yeah?”

“Ahh, you know I was just teasing you about the book thing, hmm?” Leo ducked his head to try to get Finn to look at him but he was staring at his hands, which he was wringing together desperately. Anything to distract him, to prevent himself from crumbling completely. 

He nodded, biting his lip hard to stop himself from making a sound as the tears slipped down his cheeks. He pulled his knees up to his chest and folded his arms on top of them, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. He was shivering, whether from the cold or the overwhelming emotions he couldn’t tell, but he curled up tighter into himself as he finally gave in to his emotions. He burst into heaving sobs, the pain in his chest agonising as he thought of the boy he loved walking out of the door just minutes ago.

“Mon dieu,” Leo exhaled shakily as he watched Finn break apart, his heart squeezing tightly. He let his knees fall on the ground, ignoring the coldness of the marbled tiles as he placed his hand on Finn’s arm hesitantly. “C’mere, Harz, c’mere.”

He gently pried Finn’s hands away from himself, and pulled him up slightly so he was sitting on his heels, knees between Leo’s, and wrapped his arms around the still crying boy. Finn barely registered the light threading of fingers through his hair, pushing his curls away from his forehead, and the hand that was soothingly rubbing circles on his back as he buried his face in Leo’s soft cotton tee.

“Je suis là, hmm Harz? Cry it out, it’s okay,” Leo whispered into Finn’s ear as he held him tighter. “Je suis là, I’ve got you.”

******

Finn wasn’t sure how much time had passed before his knees started hurting, and he resigned himself to standing up, tugging Leo up with him. His legs were wobbly and he just stood there for a moment, clutching onto Leo’s arms. 

Wordlessly, he broke apart and nodded his head towards the bathroom, not waiting for a response as he shuffled out of the freezing entryway, sniffling. As he shut the door with a click, he heard Leo moving towards the kitchen to heat up their already cold dinner. 

He braced his hands on the edge of the sink, looking at his quickly bruising knuckles under the bright white light. Lifting his gaze to the mirror on the wall in front of him, he gasped softly. He looked a right mess. His face was blotchy and red, almost completely hiding the freckles littered over his cheeks and nose. His eyes were puffy and swollen, and the bright amber was muted into a dull brown. His lips had been bitten raw and his hair was sticking up in all directions, even more untameable than Pots’. 

Staring at his reflection, he bit back another sob as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. His vision swam. He lifted a palm to clamp down over his mouth and another to his chest, pressing in as hard as he could. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to calm down.

After several minutes of heavy breathing, he turned on the tap and splashed cold water on his face, again and again until he felt his fringe dripping wet. He lifted his thin singlet to dry his face clumsily, not caring that it got damp, and unlocked the bathroom door. 

When he approached the table, he saw that Leo had reheated their takeout and was seated on one of the chairs, plate empty in front of him. His legs were crossed on the chair and his right elbow was resting on the table, his head leaning into his palm. With his left hand, he was using his phone seemingly casually, but the way his right hand was roughly carding through his messy sandy hair, as well as his tense shoulders told Finn otherwise.

He took the seat opposite Leo’s, and the younger boy placed his phone face down on the table. His furrowed brows and darting eyes sent a wave of guilt cascading through Finn, and he attempted a smile, which was frankly more of a fractional upwards pull at the corner of his mouth. Still, Leo’s pursed lips softened into a smile, and he nodded at Finn, scooping some food onto the redhead’s plate, for which he nodded in thanks. 

“Eat, Harz.”

They ate in almost complete silence, save for Leo’s Spotify playlist that was playing through the speaker on top of the television console. As _Mystery of Love_ wafted from the living room through the apartment, Finn whispered a barely audible “Thanks, Leo”. He received a glass of whiskey on the rocks from across the table in response.

“Aren’t drinking, are you, big boy?” He raised an eyebrow at the other boy, pointedly looking at the identical glass in his hand. “You know you aren’t legal yet.”

Leo leaned forward and smirked, “At least I can hold my liquor better than you, _big boy_.”

Finn couldn’t help but break into a smile at Leo’s cheek and raised his glass to meet his, finding some comfort in the soft _clink_ that followed.

“It’s… It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about it, yeah? We can, you know, put on a movie, or you can go have an early night if you want to,” Leo suggested a few minutes later, through a mouthful of spaghetti. He swallowed before continuing, “On me doit pas parler de cela maintenant.” 

Finn gave Leo a withering look, while secretly trying to control the rising hormones in him from hearing Leo speak his first language, “You _know_ I don’t speak French.”

Leo hid his bashful smile behind his glass. “We don’t have to talk about it now.”

Finn’s features relaxed and he gave a weak smile, shrugging and returning his gaze to his spaghetti, prodding it with his fork.

Conversation flowed slightly easier between the two boys after that, though Leo tactfully avoided mentioning Logan or the events from earlier that evening.

After their usual routine of washing up, they retreated to the couch to watch Sherlock on Finn’s Netflix account, clutching their glasses of whiskey. Despite the fact that they actually had a decently sized couch, Finn realised that Leo had planted himself at a decently close proximity to him, although they didn’t actually have any contact between them.

Not even ten minutes into the episode, Finn struggled to stay focused, mind drifting to the events that had transpired just two hours ago.

If he hadn’t known for sure earlier before he had kissed Logan, he knew for sure _now_ what the other boy meant to him. The ball of fire that blazed within him at the thought of Logan collided harshly with the shards of ice that pierced his chest when he had left, and Finn knew for sure that with everything he had, he loved the boy with the mahogany curls, often squashed flat under a cap, with the lopsided grin that appeared whenever they were laughing at some inside joke, with the green eyes that reminded him of glimmering emeralds, especially when they caught the sunlight.

Breaking out of his trance for a moment, he glanced surreptitiously at Leo from the corner of his eyes, and found that he was staring right back.

He shifted his gaze back to the television, heart pounding. Was Logan right, then? Did Leo really have feelings for him? _I— I see the way he looks at you too, you know?_ Was _this_ what he had meant? 

Leo had only ever been a teammate to him. Nothing more than friendly. At least, that’s what he had thought.

Suddenly, all the times he had happened to catch Leo’s eye before the other boy turned away quickly made sense. All the times in the locker rooms after games that he had injured himself, and Leo was always hovering nearby, with Logan as Remus assessed his injuries. All the times on the ice, as Finn and Logan had behaved their usual boisterous selves, and Leo had just watched on silently. It all _sort of_ made sense in that moment. 

Leo had moved into Finn’s apartment only recently, when he had secretly admitted to not having enough savings to stay in a hotel, as most rookies usually did. Finn all but grabbed Leo’s bags and drove them to his place after training that day. He simply couldn’t allow the baby of their team to be homeless, not on his watch. Since then, these incidents had occurred more frequently, and Finn had felt some sort of unspoken tension between the two of them, although for the life of him he couldn’t understand why. 

They had developed a comfortable routine, and sometimes while doing the dishes together, Leo’s hands would brush his as they passed the dishes between them to be dried and kept. Other times, they’d be watching shows on the television, not unlike what they were doing then, and Leo would sit less than a foot away from him, propping his feet up on the small coffee table in front of them, ankles crossed. More times than he could count, Finn had fallen asleep on the couch, and woken up in the mornings to a blanket draped over him, and his phone plugged into his charger on top of the television console. 

Finn had always just assumed that Leo was being his usual friendly self, and repaying him back for giving him a roof over his head. Then again, now that he thought about it, it was strikingly obvious. 

He supposed he should’ve been shocked, and perhaps a tad awkward or uncomfortable, but he realised with a start that a violent blush had spread through his face. He brought a hand up to his cheek, feeling its warmth. He quickly picked up his forgotten glass on the coffee table and lifted it to his lips.

Leo tore his gaze away from the television screen to glance at him, and quirked an eyebrow. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Finn choked on his big gulp of his drink, pounding his fist into his chest to alleviate the sudden burning sensation spreading through him. 

Coughing a few times, he got off the couch and stepped over Leo’s feet carefully, heading to the kitchen to get two glasses of water. He returned back to the couch, offering Leo a glass, who took it appreciatively.

The blonde boy paused the episode of Sherlock, but stayed silent, giving him time to organise his thoughts. 

“I—” Finn started, then paused again, taking a sip of water to calm his nerves. “I don’t know,” _sigh_ , “it’s just, things with— with Logan, y’know? I can barely comprehend what he…what’s going on. Sometimes he acts all interested in girls that we meet at parties, drapes himself _all over_ them and dances with them, yeah? But then sometimes, he— Sometimes it seems like there’s _something_ there. I don’t know.”

He paused in his tirade and hung his head, feeling embarrassed and very, very guilty for confiding in Leo about Logan, especially now knowing that the other boy had taken interest in him. 

He shook his head, mumbling, “I’m sorry. I don’t think you’d want to hear all this. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

There was a pause, and then, “Harz, mon chéri… I— god.” Finn turned his head slowly to see Leo lean against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling.

Finn watched Leo’s blonde hair falling over his blue eyes, like sandy shores taming the crashing waves of the ocean. He watched his long lashes flutter as he blinked against the harsh light above them, watched as he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, following the lines and planes of his still boyish but increasingly maturing features down, down to his exposed neck. He watched the rise and fall of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, and then the shaky rise and fall of his chest.

Leo was _beautiful_. Try as he might, Finn couldn’t deny his feelings for the younger boy.

“You… You _love_ him, don’t you?” Leo lolled his head to the side, still resting on the back of the couch but now looking directly at Finn. He could see the pain in his eyes, clear as day.

“Yeah,” came his reply, instantly, but so soft that he wasn’t sure Leo actually heard it, until he heard the other boy’s exhale.

“Oui, oui… I guessed so,” Leo smiled sadly. “I just… I— I get it.”

“Nutty, I… You… You’re wonderful. You’re so, _so_ kind, and so, _so_ funny. God, you make me laugh so much. You— You take care of me, though I’m the one almost turning twenty-one here,” Leo chuckled wetly as Finn snorted, his lips pulling into a small smile. “Really, I used to be… I used to be lonely before you moved in, y’know? It was a mess between— between Lo and I. I was so happy when he got drafted, and then— then he chose to stay with Dumo, and I was… Well. But then, you came up to me one day, saying you needed a place to stay,” Finn smiled at the memory, “And I was so happy to have you move in. I wouldn’t have wished for it to be anyone else.” 

He looked up from his lap, and saw Leo seated cross legged on the couch, facing him. His eyes were bright with tears, but he held them back, staring back unwaveringly.

“But… But you don’t like me, oui?” Leo looked so heartbroken that Finn wanted to… He didn’t know what he wanted to do, but he wanted to make the pain go away, somehow. But how could he help Leo, if he didn’t even know how to fix the gaping hole in his own heart? Leo lifted his chin, almost challengingly, “I’m not stupid, I know where this is going.”

“No, but… But here’s the thing. I do,” Finn whispered, unable to meet Leo’s gaze. He just kept wringing his hands together in his lap, digging his nails into his skin hard enough to leave crescent shaped marks. “I like you.”

“Hein?”

“You’re right. Logan and I go way back. We’ve been best friends for four years, and— and I’ve loved him since I met him. But _you_ , Nut,” Finn ran his fingers through his own auburn hair, “You are— I can’t stop thinking about you. _Leo_ ,” The other boy’s breath hitched, “Why does something that seems so wrong, feel so _so_ right? Am I wrong? Am I… Am I wrong for feeling this way? Why can’t I get you out of my head?”

Finn stared at Leo with such an intensity, his huge amber eyes searching with desperation for some sort of answer, that Leo couldn’t help himself.

“Oh, Finn,” He pulled the shorter boy into an embrace, inhaling deeply and catching the faint scent of his shampoo. Finn was tucked into Leo’s chest, with his legs resting on top of Leo’s left thigh and dangling over the edge of the couch. Leo’s right leg was bent at an angle, squished awkwardly between the back of the couch and Finn’s back.

Despite the uncomfortable position they were in, they stayed that way for a while, neither of them wanting to break apart.

“Harz,” Leo’s voice was soft, buried in Finn’s red locks, “I… Since I joined the Lions, it was always you. You have _no_ idea, mon chéri. I was drawn to you _instantly_. Your flaming red hair, your ridiculous game traditions, the way you can’t hold your liquor to save your fucking life.”

Both boys snorted at that.

“I never… I never dared to tell you. Especially when you offered me a place to stay. I couldn’t fuck that up by letting my feelings run wild. I didn’t even— I didn’t even know if you swung the same way, yeah? I was so afraid. But then I saw the way you’d look at Tremzy when you thought nobody was looking. _I saw_. And it ruined me, but then sometimes you acted… I wondered. I wondered if I’d ever have a chance. I wondered about what it’d be like if you gave me a chance.”

Leo’s hand stilled in Finn’s hair, simply holding him for several heartbeats. Eventually, he sighed, dropping his hands to Finn’s shoulders and pushing him back slightly, holding him at arm’s length, so they could look each other in the eyes.

“Finn, there’s nothing _wrong_ with having feelings for two people at the same time. At least, not completely, not exactly,” He shrugged, “I think that… I think it’s perfectly reasonable. As long as there’s proper— y’know, _communication_ , between the involved parties, and there’s some sort of consensus or compromise, hmm? Communication and understanding are always key, for sure.”

Leo smiled fondly at Finn, and he felt the ice in his heart melt.

“Love is love, is what I always believe in. If you have feelings for two people at the same time, so be it. But do things the right way, oui? There’s always something worth fighting for.”

It was only much later that night that Finn managed to fall asleep, Leo’s words and _Mystery of Love_ resounding in his ears.

******

The sound of his phone ringing on his nightstand woke Finn up abruptly in the middle of a particularly strange dream. Rubbing his eyes, he pushed himself up on one elbow and leaned over, wincing as he felt his back crack.

Hoping that the ringing wasn’t too loud that it would wake Leo up in the next room, he unplugged his phone from the charger, eyes still half-closed. It was five forty-eight in the morning. _What on earth…?_ Finn hit the answer button.

“‘Lo?” His voice was raspy, a combination of the crying, whiskey and sleep. How wonderful.

“Harzy, have you seen Logan?” Dumo’s worried voice crackled through the phone. “Is he with you?”

“Nnnnnnnnnnnngh… No, he isn’t,” Finn said through a yawn, “Why? Didn’t he go home last night?”

“I don’t know, Katie’s sick so we all went to bed early. Usually he lets himself in— he’s got a key, but he’s not in the basement and his room is a mess,” Dumo scoffed, “Well, more of a mess than it usually is anyway. He’s upturned his entire wardrobe.”

“Mmmmmm…. Maybe he went out for a run?” He yawned again. He wouldn’t put it past Logan to be running laps around the block at this time of the morning. Back when they were in Harvard, he would be woken up by Logan at the crack of dawn daily to run with him before classes. _Gotta keep in shape, Harz. Not everyone’s blessed with a naturally sexy body, you know?_ He had rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to respond with a snarky comment, until he had seen Logan’s eyes roaming over his body. That had shut him right up. 

“I don’t know, mon gars, something seems off here,” There was a shuffling sound over on Dumo’s end of the phone, as though he were looking through Logan’s room. Finn found himself drifting back to sleep, though a nagging thought in his mind prevented him from falling asleep completely.

Without warning, Dumo let out a curse in French, loud enough for Finn to jerk away from the phone, hitting his head on his headboard in the process.

“Ow…. What is it, Dumo?”

“His passport is gone. He left.”


	3. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, i'm sorry this took so long. the past two weeks have been taking a toll on me and my writing, but i'm very happy to have finally finished this fic!! i don't think it turned out exactly the way i wanted it to, but i tried my best. thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way, reading through my drafts and/or giving moral support on days where writing seemed too hard. i hope all of you who read this truly enjoyed the fic; it's my first time ever completing a chaptered fic and i'm currently drinking a beer in celebration :P
> 
> also, before i forget, pls forgive my ignorance regarding the passport thing. HAHA. i had no idea that a passport wasn't necessary when crossing between states. best believe i was shooketh when i found out. i tried to briefly correct it in this chapter. also, once again the French phrases were translated online, so apologies if there are any errors.
> 
> special thank you to @lumosinlove for the amazing story & characters! i hope you like this :)

“DUMO,” Finn yelled as the Dumais’ door slammed open. “God _damn_ , fuck, I’m sorry, oh god—”

“C’est bon, Harz,” Dumo, who had jumped in shock, got up off the couch and made his way over to Finn and Leo, meeting them halfway at the entryway of the living room. 

“I don’t understand,” Leo removed his glasses to rub at his eyes blearily, not bothering with contact lenses at six thirty in the morning. “Pourquoi est-il parti?”

“Je ne sais pas, mais quelque chose a dû lui arriver....”

Finn groaned and shoved Leo lightly. “ _French_ , guys.”

“Sorry, mon chéri,” Leo patted Finn’s unruly mop lightly.

Dumo raised an eyebrow at Leo, who yawned, unaware. “Dumo, you’ve got any coffee? I can’t think straight right now.”

Dumo gestured for the two boys to follow him into the kitchen, where he started heating water in the electric kettle. He busied himself with getting three mugs while Finn and Leo plonked themselves at the dining table. 

While Leo was still half asleep, despite dozing on the car ride to the Dumais’, Finn was filled with nervous energy, subconsciously shaking his knee out of habit until Leo softly slapped his thigh under the table to stop him from rocking the table.

None of them said a word, all lost in their own thoughts until Dumo placed the three steaming mugs of coffee on the table, along with creamer and sugar, before sitting down opposite the pair. He took a sip, while Finn and Leo jostled for the creamer and sugar. When they were sufficiently satisfied with their coffees, Finn spoke up again.

“Dumo… You didn’t speak to Logan at all yesterday?” 

“Non, not since before he left the house after training. D’you know where he went?” Dumo gave Finn a significant look, the latter flushing and quickly taking a big gulp of his coffee to avoid meeting the former’s eyes.

After several moments, Finn realised he hadn’t answered. He shrugged in what he hoped looked like a nonchalant way, “We went for lunch, and then he dropped by. He… He left before dinner, so I assumed he, err… I assumed he came back here right away.”

“Ah bon? Celeste and I brought the kids upstairs to bed around ten, and he still hadn’t come back by then.” Dumo frowned into his mug, as though his coffee had the answers to all his problems.

Finn and Leo shared a look, Leo raising his brows meaningfully. He jerked his head ever so slightly in Dumo’s direction, and Finn shook his head sadly, looking down at his hands. 

“And he’s not answering his phone?”

Dumo laughed humourlessly. “Never does, that boy. It’s bad enough on normal days, but I think he’s completely turned his phone off. I can’t get through at all, and his last seen was—”

“Yesterday night. Yeah.” Finn buried his face in his hands.

“Did… Did you try asking the rest of the team? Maybe they’ve seen him,” Leo suggested, running a hand through his messy blonde hair.

“Later, I guess,” Dumo hummed, looking out of the kitchen window. “‘s still a bit early.”

Finn stayed silent, draining the rest of his coffee in one gulp. His knee was shaking again, and Leo didn’t have the heart to stop him this time.

They went down to the basement, greeting a sleepy, bewildered Celeste at the stairs as she made her way to the kitchen. Dumo stayed to exchange terse whispers with her while the other two boys headed down.

Objectively, Logan’s room looked as it always had: his unmade double bed with pillows strewn all over and the duvet half falling off the bed ( _Why make your bed every morning when you’re just gonna mess it up again at night, hmm Harz? You know I’m right._ ), his dirty clothes clumsily thrown into a laundry hamper by the door, the small desk cluttered with random knick knacks such as his laptop, several caps that he hadn’t bothered to stow away properly, and a few bottles of cologne. The floor was in an even worse state, however, where a few stray tee shirts that had fallen out of the laundry hamper and a whole array of clothing items that had tumbled out of his wardrobe on the far end of the room. 

Finn approached the mess by his wardrobe, his stomach dropping. Crouching down, he let his hand run over the soft fabric of his red Lions hoodie. The exact one that he was wearing now. He lifted the hoodie up, biting down onto his bottom lip, and let himself fall backwards on his arse, into a sitting position. 

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and he turned his head to look up at Leo, wide brown eyes shining with tears. 

“Mon chou…” Leo’s eyes darted around Finn’s face, and he had just started to tug on his hoodie to pull him into a hug when they heard footsteps right outside the door.

Leo quickly stood up and took a step back, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants just as Dumo walked in.

“I’ve dropped Sirius and James a text, hopefully they’ll have some idea of where he is,” The older man frowned, his voice trembling, looking as heartbroken as Finn felt.

“Thanks, Dumo,” Finn ran his hand through his wild red curls, tugging on them in a weak attempt to calm his nerves. No such luck. “I’m sorry, this mustn’t be easy for you either, yeah?”

Dumo smiled dejectedly. 

“He’s like a son to me. Mon dieu. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never…” He dropped down onto the edge of Logan’s bed, wringing his hands together. “It’s just… He’s been with me for some time now, oui? I can sort of read him. Sometimes even better than he knows himself.”

He looked at Finn once again, who ignored the thundering of his heart in his chest. 

“I’ve noticed something off ever since he came to live with us. I mean… I do think he enjoys staying here, sincerely. We get along well. We all love him... Me and Celeste and the kids. We spend a lot of time at home just, being together, you know? Playing games and talking and watching the telly. We’ve always been close. But there’s just _something_ , something that he’s not telling us. He gets closed off sometimes when we’re talking to him, and some nights he comes home refusing to talk to any of us at all, heading down to his room immediately. But then the next morning, he’ll kiss us all on the cheek, and he’ll take us out for breakfast, as if nothing happened.

“He acts as though he’s fine all the time, and maybe he doesn’t know it himself, but _I know_. Je la vois. Dad instincts,” Dumo tapped his temple with his pointer finger, the corner of his mouth turning upward slightly, but without a hint of joy. 

Leo sighed and asked Dumo a question, but Finn barely heard it. His mind was running in overdrive.

He knew that they had parted on awkward terms when he got drafted to the Lions, and other than the text reply that came a few days after Finn had messaged him when he had arrived in Gryffindor, they frankly hadn’t talked much for a couple of months. He felt like he had left his heart behind at Harvard, and the homesickness he had felt, combined with the heartbreak over being away from Logan for the first time in years had him feeling very, very lost and unsure. 

Several times, he had stared into his phone for long periods of time, Logan’s contact flashing on his screen, but he had never dared to make the call. _Call me when you get there. I want to hear about everything._ What would he even have said? Both of them had been in two very different places, and he knew Logan had been missing him too. Would he have just made things worse if he had called? 

So, he never did.

His first interaction with Logan after that had been when the younger boy had graduated. After several unsent drafts, he had finally decided to text Logan a simple _Happy graduation, I’m proud of you._

Logan had called him almost immediately, chattering excitedly, and since he had been seemingly in higher spirits, Finn had let him, sitting in his apartment alone, feeling a sense of calm washing over him for the first time in almost a year. 

They had kept in contact regularly afterwards, after both of them had apologised, awkwardly, for not catching up sooner. Logan had not said a word about what had happened during the party two years ago, or the night before he had left Harvard. He had decided to let it slide, though. If ignoring what had happened would give him back his best friend, he’d take it in a heartbeat.

Soon after, Logan had been drafted into the Lions. Finn had felt a whole roller-coaster of emotions: pride, excitement, and _love_ , but also fear and nervousness. He hadn’t known what to expect. Would things be the same between them? Or would their friendship be different, now that they were out of school and past their partying days? Would they still be living together, like they did in school? Would Logan ask to share the apartment with him? Would _he_ ask Logan?

One day, he had woken up to receive news that Logan had chosen to billet with Dumo and his family, and Finn never did have the chance to ask. He had felt as though his heart had been ripped in half, and seeing him during trainings together had been strained and tense for some time after. 

Following one of their team dinners about a month after, they had talked it out, just the two of them, seated on the trunk of his car in the parking lot of _Sid’s_. Neither of them had really looked at each other. Basked in the warm glow of the streetlamp above them, Finn had never felt colder than he did then. 

_Didn’t— Didn’t you think I would’ve asked you to stay with me?_

_I did. That’s exactly why I didn’t._

Finn had sucked in a deep breath at that, feeling the pain in his chest intensify until he had found it difficult to breathe.

_Okay. Yeah, no, it’s alright._

_I’m sorry. I couldn’t. I— I couldn’t._

It hadn’t been alright.

Things had only become even more strained after that night, until Coach Weasley had told them off one day, sensing their mutual hostility. Between them, they had decided to start afresh, since they were in a new place with a new team, after all. Finn had remembered the day when Logan had called him for the first time since he had left, and he had resolved to let go of his feelings. He wouldn’t let what happened with Logan affect their playing and their team’s dynamics. He simply wouldn’t allow it.

But try as he might, he couldn’t let go of his feelings. Instead, he only got better at hiding them. To everyone else, he and Logan had gotten back onto good terms, and fans knew them as the two best friends from Harvard University. They had bantered and fooled around during trainings and games, and nobody had suspected a thing. But alone, there had been an evident distance between them, a gap that had in fact grown exponentially since that night outside _Sid’s_.

When Leo had joined the team and moved in with Finn, things had started to get stranger. Logan had started acting out, making it seem as though they were even closer than before, with or without the team. Even when they were alone, he had kept up conversations and acted as though they hadn’t had almost four years worth of unresolved tension. Finn hadn’t known what to make of it, so he had just played along, all the while feeling a heavy ache in his chest.

Listening to what Dumo had said, Finn could actually kind of guess which nights Logan had returned to the Dumais’ in a right mood. He winced, realising how much they had been hiding from each other. Best friends, his arse.

They were practically complete strangers.

Dumo’s phone rang, and Finn nearly jumped in shock.

“Bonjour... Oui, I’m sure… Non… Why do you think I texted you? I don’t— Right. You’ll let me know? … Yeah, yeah, that’d be great. Thank you. … Pas le peine de me remercier. Thanks, Cap.”

Dumo flung the phone to the other end of the bed, which landed on the duvet with a soft _plonk_. 

He let out a frustrated groan. “No news. He says he’s gonna drive to James and Lily’s and talk to them, but if you ask me, I reckon Logan doesn’t want to be found.”

Leo exhaled sharply from where he was leaning against the wardrobe, and Finn looked back down at the hoodie in his hands, blinking rapidly.

Dumo stood up, excusing himself. For his own sake or for the two boys’, Finn didn’t know exactly.

Once the door shut, Leo lowered himself on the floor beside him. He tugged uncertainly on Finn’s hoodie, and Finn let himself be pulled into an embrace. His face was buried into the thick material, chin resting on Leo’s shoulder as they sat side by side. 

“‘m so tired… So tired of all this, fuck, I don’t know— dancing around our feelings,” Finn sniffled, words muffled by the hoodie, but Leo listened and rubbed his back all the same. 

“I miss the days when we were just… We had so much fun back in Harvard, y’know? We— I— I just want my best friend back.”

Back in Harvard. 

_Harvard_. 

“Holy fuck.”

Finn bolted upright so suddenly that Leo startled, but he was already scrambling to his feet, offering a hand to pull Leo up. 

He all but dragged the taller boy up the stairs by the hand. 

Re-entering the living room, Finn and Leo found the entire Dumais family seated on their couch, Adele and Louis on either end of their parents, and Katie and Marc on Celeste’s lap. Celeste had her arm around Dumo and they were all speaking in low tones, Katie and Marc looking on the verge of tears.

“Dumo,” Finn breathed shakily. “Celeste, kids.”

Everyone turned to look at him and Leo, who was hovering behind Finn, a hand on his shoulder.

“I think I know where he went. I’m gonna go find him.”

******

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come along?” Leo glanced at Finn, who was crossing over to the other side of the car, opening the door to the driver’s seat.

Finn smiled wearily, one hand on the hood. “Don’t worry about me, Nut. This is something I should’ve done long ago.”

He paused halfway while climbing into the car. Stepping back out, he strode back towards Leo and pulled him into a fierce hug. “Merci, mon chou. I’ll see you soon.”

He felt Leo press a light kiss to the top of his head, before letting go. “Prends soin de toi, Harz.”

Finn shook his head, making a soft noise in his throat, “Can’t understand you.”

Leo lips quirked in a smile, and he shrugged.

Finn clambered into the car and pulled out of the driveway, feeling as though his heart was split into two. One half miles away where they had met and grown up together, and the other half growing smaller in his rearview mirror.

******

It was almost ten in the morning, the sun was beating down on the top of his car hood mercilessly, and Finn was honest to god exhausted. The past twenty four hours had been an emotional roller-coaster ride that he had _not_ been prepared for. 

He wasn’t angry, per se. Just really, really tired. Years of accumulated feelings and avoiding said feelings were taking a toll on him. It was only the hope that he and Logan would finally be able to confront their feelings and issues once and for all that kept him going, despite the lack of sleep and food. And energy, if he were being completely honest with himself. 

The bright sun definitely wasn’t any help to his situation. Finn loved to sleep in the day, when it was brightest. Of course, his hockey career didn’t really allow for much of that, but back when he was in Harvard, he’d choose either the early morning or late afternoon classes as much as he could just so he could nap during midday. He was a night owl by nature, and especially considering the fact that he hadn’t slept much the night before, he was exceptionally sleepy that morning.

When he narrowly missed ramming into a motorbike as he changed lanes, he decided he needed something to keep him awake, for both his safety and sanity.

He had been so full of nervous energy earlier that he had forgotten to put on some music for the long drive. One handedly, he plugged his phone in and clicked on shuffle. 

It was probably another hour’s drive over to Massachusetts, a while longer to Harvard, and then what? He wasn’t even a hundred percent sure that Logan would be there at all. Where would he even begin looking? How did one find someone who didn’t want to be found? He sighed. 

What if Logan wasn’t even at Harvard? He did take his passport with him, after all. Maybe he had flown home. But as impulsive as Logan was, Finn had a hunch that Logan was still in the country. Just a hunch. He sighed again. He had a sudden urge to bang his head into the steering wheel, but he didn’t think that getting into a car accident would help his search.

He would give anything to rewind time, even by just one day. Just yesterday, he and Logan had been fine. Or at least, under the illusion of fine. Regardless, they had been together. And that was what mattered.

_Leave this blue neighbourhood_

_Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh_

_And it drives me wild_

_'Cause when you look like that_

_I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh_

_It drives me wild_

_You're driving me wild, wild, wild_

_You're driving me wild, wild, wild_

_You're driving me wild_

Finn hadn’t known that he liked both girls and guys. He hadn’t realised it at all, not until he had met Logan. Seeing him for the first time all those years ago, at tryouts, had stirred something deep in his core that he hadn’t identified at that point in time. The golden boy with the emerald eyes and dark curls had caught his eye _instantly_. There was a certain grace to which he had played with, though the gleam of mischief in his eyes had been impossible to miss, even behind his visor. Off the ice, he had been warm and friendly, clicking with the rest of the team easily. When he had officially joined the team, Finn had found himself drawn to him even more. 

He didn’t think he had ever been ashamed of his sexuality once he had figured it out; he had never come out to anyone on the team or in his family, but he didn’t try denying it to himself either. He hadn’t seen the point in doing so. The realisation hadn’t so much hit him like a truck as it had slowly dawned on him over time. He had surprised himself by becoming close friends with Logan, both on and off the team. Maybe it had been the way that he’d stare at Logan during training, or sitting beside him during team dinners after training, but the two boys had forged a close friendship along the way. 

They’d often meet for coffee, or to study together outside of training, and Finn had finally recognised his more-than-platonic feelings for the other boy one sunny Wednesday when they had been studying for their finals in some cafe near their end of the campus. Discreetly peering at Logan, who had subconsciously been swaying along to a song playing through his earpiece as he read through his notes, had made Finn smile goofily, and somehow, the realisation that he had been in love with his best friend had made him feel oddly calm. 

He had expected himself to freak out, or ignore it, but instead he had simply kicked Logan lightly on the shin under the table, giving him a quick smile as he playfully knocked his cap off his head. Logan had met his gaze with a surprised smile, but fixed his cap back on and wordlessly handed Finn one side of his earpiece as the all too familiar notes of _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ rang in his right ear. He thought he had seen a hint of a smile on Logan’s face, but he hadn’t been sure over the sudden rush of blood to his head. 

He hadn’t been able to study the rest of the afternoon.

Since then, it had been a thought that followed Finn wherever he went. He couldn’t deny that he had been afraid of the team finding out, especially considering that Logan was on the team as well. He had kept one on one interactions with Logan to a minimum when they were with the team, opting to just make faces at him when nobody else was watching, making him laugh out loud at the most random of times. 

Outside of trainings and games, he had resolutely ignored the aching in his chest when Logan was seen with girl after girl, around campus, before trainings, during parties. He had by no means been a player of any sort, but he had had his fair share of dates. 

Finn had chosen to stifle the suffocating feeling in his chest through some form of twisted punishment that he had inflicted on himself, which on hindsight had _probably_ given him a worse reputation than Logan. He had simply refused to go out with any girl that had even remotely started to show interest, cutting them down immediately, claiming to be focusing on his studies rather than dating. It hadn’t been _completely_ false, really. He had used that excuse for a large part of his time in Harvard, and it had always worked well enough for him while he pined. 

Until the party on _that_ night, at least. 

Something in him had snapped that night, seeing Logan draped over yet another girl. One he had barely even known. Logan had always been popular among the girls, and during parties, it had been particularly difficult to hide his feelings. Perhaps the overwhelming jealousy had been what caused him to snap. 

While he had learned that night, rather suddenly, about Logan’s reciprocating interest, he hadn’t known what to do with the information, especially since Logan had refused to acknowledge it. They had gone back to being close friends, but the underlying confusion regarding the events at the party had lingered. And then Finn had left Harvard to join the Lions, and eventually (and inevitably), it had all blown up in his face, four years later, less than twenty four hours ago.

Finn was tired. All he wanted to do was to come clean about his feelings to Logan. No more secrets, no more hiding behind pretenses. It was just like Leo said. 

_Communication is key._

_There’s always something worth fighting for._

For the baby of the team, he was awfully mature.

A familiar instrumental pulled Finn out of his own thoughts.

_An empty street_

_An empty house_

_A hole inside my heart_

_I'm all alone_

_The rooms are getting smaller_

Finn sucked in a breath. While keeping his eyes on the road, he turned up the volume of his speaker and hit the repeat button.

_I wonder how_

_I wonder why_

_I wonder where they are_

_The days we had_

_The songs we sang together_

_Oh yeah_

The past four years of memories were like quick snapshots, whizzing through Finn’s mind. The first time they met, all the times spent on the ice together, all their study sessions and dinner dates, the night at the party, the night before he had left, the _day_ he had left, the first time talking again after almost a year, seeing him in the flesh again soon after, the sneaky glances he had spared with the Lions, that night at _Sid’s_ , all the way up to the previous day when he had slammed the door in Finn’s face. All of the memories consumed him, crashing over him again and again.

_And all my love_

_I'm holding on forever_

_Reaching for the love that seems so far_

Finn felt his throat close up, a strong wave of emotion rising up in his chest. 

Logan had become irrevocably carved into Finn’s life, threaded into his memories, and etched into his heart. 

He wanted him. He _needed_ him.

_So I say a little prayer_

_And hope my dreams will take me there_

_Where the skies are blue_

_To see you once again, my love_

_Over seas from coast to coast_

_To find the place I love the most_

_Where the fields are green_

_To see you once again, my love_

A ghost of a smile appeared on Finn’s lips. He didn’t think anything could make him feel less than rock solid then. He was wide awake, the fatigue from earlier forgotten.

He would do anything for Logan, and he would bring him home.

As Finn surrendered himself to the song blasting through the car speakers on repeat, the I-84 sign which indicated that he was about to enter Massachusetts loomed ahead, drawing closer and closer.

******

Driving around his old campus three years after graduation wasn’t what Finn had expected it to be. Not much had changed physically; everything still looked the same as it did when he left. He honestly thought he’d be more excited, but other than the thrill that ran through his body as he drove past the hockey center, reminiscing the countless number of hours spent there throughout his years in Harvard, the rest of it just left Finn feeling horribly out of place.

It didn’t feel like home. Not anymore.

Not without Logan.

He stopped by the OKN house, hesitating. What were the chances that Logan would come back? He didn’t think he would have any particular reason to return there. Most of the players that he knew would have graduated by then. 

Finn continued to drive around their campus slowly and aimlessly, hoping by some miracle that he’d see a mop of brown curly hair somewhere.

Then, it struck him. Finn made a U-turn, driving back towards the street that he could honestly walk to from the OKN house with his eyes closed.

He parked along the side of the road quickly and entered the small cafe, the familiar bell chiming as the door opened. It was pretty empty at that time, since everyone was on their holidays. Only a handful of people were inside, seemingly taking refuge from the cold. 

He realised with a start that one of the baristas who had regularly taken their orders all those years ago was still working there, behind the register at that very moment.

“Finn!” Kay’s bright amber eyes, not unlike his own, shone with familiarity and excitement. “I haven’t seen you in years, how are you?”

He let himself relax for a moment, quickly running a hand through his hair and smiling at the petite girl on the opposite side of the counter. He was about to reply to her when a flash of red caught his eye.

His head whipped to the side so quickly that he let out an “ah, fuck” as his neck cracked. 

Everything around him suddenly seemed to have blended into a colourful blur as his gaze landed on dark brown curls tucked into a red cap, a grey Harvard sweatshirt, dark denim jeans and white converses. 

“Lo,” Finn breathed, a whisper so soft he wasn’t even sure if the other boy would hear it.

He did.

A pair of wide emerald eyes met his, lips parted in disbelief. His cheeks were flushed a dark red as he gaped. He had dark rings under his eyes, and his nose was slightly red. From the cold, maybe? Finn couldn’t tell. He still looked beautiful, his skin a dark caramel hue under the warm glow of the fireplace in the corner of the cafe. 

And he was there. In front of him.

“Harz,” Logan’s voice came out raspy and worn out, and he looked down at his feet, embarrassed. His hands clutched tightly onto a dark blue paper cup. Finn’s eyebrows flew up, disappearing under his long fringe. He vaguely heard the sound of coffee beans grinding and milk being steamed, but he paid no mind.

“Is that… A chai latte?”

Logan still refused to meet his eyes as he lifted one shoulder in a small shrug.

“I… You…” Finn stuttered. He let out a small sob. “Fuck. _Fuck, Tremz._ ”

He pried the small paper cup from Logan’s warm fingers before closing the distance between them, drawing the shorter boy into a tight hug. Logan’s entire body tensed, but as Finn pressed his face into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply, he melted into Finn’s body and wrapped his arms around his waist, hands gripping tightly to the back of his red Lions hoodie.

“Why?” Finn sniffled wetly, bringing his free hand to swipe across his eyes before pulling away. “I— I don’t—”

He broke off as Logan’s eyes finally lifted to meet his. Tears were pooling in his bright green orbs and he was biting hard on his trembling lower lip. He looked so broken that Finn wanted to kiss him.

“Let’s— Let’s talk outside?” Finn jerked his head towards the front door, and Logan nodded in assent, swallowing hard and blinking rapidly, rubbing the back of his hand against his nose.

Finn’s eyes met Kay’s apologetically as he turned back towards the register, but she merely smiled with a knowing look. She slid an iced caramel latte across the counter and raised an eyebrow at him. “Go,” she mouthed as Logan, who had walked ahead, exited the cafe with a small ring of the bell overhead.

Finn pulled out his wallet, but she stopped him. “Don’t worry about it. Go.”

“Thank you,” He managed, before following Logan out the door.

They wordlessly took a seat at their usual table, the one at which they had spent so many afternoons poring over textbooks and lecture notes. Finn held onto the half empty cup of chai as he offered Logan the iced caramel latte. Logan’s lips lifted by a fraction and he nodded his head as he took the cup, taking a long sip from the navy blue straw.

Finn wrung his hands together as his forearms rested against the edge of the table. His head was tilted down slightly, but his eyes travelled all around Logan’s face, watching as a range of emotions flashed through his eyes. He bit the inside of his cheek, suddenly unsure of what to say.

“Lo,” He began cautiously, eyes still locked onto Logan’s, trying hard not to break eye contact despite his nervousness.

“How did you find me?”

“I…” Finn’s gaze dropped to his hands, which were fiddling with the cardboard cup sleeve. “I guessed. Dumo called us this morning, saying you had left, and, I don’t know— Something clicked in my head. I had a hunch you’d be here. I figured you’d come back to Harvard.”

He lifted the cup to his lips, taking a sip of the now lukewarm drink. He almost smiled. It still tasted as good, after all these years.

“I— I’m sorry,” Logan choked out, closing his eyes and shaking his head a few times, as if to cast away his thoughts.

“It’s okay—”

“No, Harz. It’s _not_ okay,” Logan whispered, the tears spilling over as he opened his eyes to stare right into Finn’s. “I never should’ve— I never should’ve left. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so stupid. _Fuck_ , Dumo and Celeste and the kids. _You_.”

Finn felt his heart clench as the boy he loved crumbled right in front of him.

Swiping furiously at his eyes, Logan continued in a rush, “I just needed to get away. I— It’s been so _hard_ , Harz. Do you know how hard it was? To see you, to want you, but to know that _I can’t have you_. Because I see the way you look at Leo, and I see the way he looks at you. It’s just like I said yesterday. You deserve to be with him. I don’t— All these years, it was so _fucking_ clear, it was right in front of me, and I never saw it. It had always been _you_ , but I was too stupid to see it, and then too scared to admit it. And now it’s… It’s too late. I think I’ve lost the right to fight for you, you know? _Fuck_ , I’m too late.”

Logan covered his mouth with his hand, eyes looking down at his drink as tears streamed down his face steadily. He kept muttering _fuck, fuck, fuck_ softly as his body trembled from both the cold and the overwhelming emotions, and for a moment Finn could only look on, his own voice too choked up to respond.

“Lo,” Logan’s eyes fluttered shut. “Please look at me. _Please_.”

Finn leaned forward and reached a hand out, slowly, delicately, terrified that with one wrong move, Logan would bolt.

He gently closed his fingers around Logan’s wrist, and he jolted a bit. Finn froze, not moving but not removing his hand either. When Logan didn’t pull away, he slid his hand further up, tugging on his hand. He laced their fingers together, his thumb running over the back of Logan’s palm soothingly. He brought his other hand up to his cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen before brushing his thumb over Logan’s long dark eyelashes lightly.

“Look at me. _Please_.”

As Logan’s eyes opened, Finn brought his hand down to his chin, tilting it upwards with his thumb and forefinger. 

He let go as though Logan’s touch had burned him, slightly flustered as he realised how close they were, and took another sip of his chai latte to calm his nerves.

“You… You would never have been too late, Lo,” Finn gazed into his eyes earnestly as he took a shaky breath. He bit his lip for a moment, “It had always been you, too. I— I noticed you the moment you came in for tryouts all those years ago.”

Logan’s breath hitched, and Finn gave him a small, shy smile.

“Yeah. I didn’t know it back then either. But I kept— I kept watching you, and it was like something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. A piece of the puzzle that I couldn’t find, no matter how long or how hard I searched. I was an idiot,” Finn chuckled softly, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder in embarrassment, feeling the soft fabric of his hoodie scratching against the slight stubble that had formed overnight.

“It was right here, in this very seat actually, when I realised that— that I loved you.”

Logan inhaled sharply, and Finn stilled the hand that had still been holding his. Logan’s grip, however, tightened.

“You— Wh— When?”

Finn looked up, and then back down at his cup again. He waved his free hand vaguely, “You know, that time…”

He felt a blush start to creep up on his neck and cheeks, and he bit down on his tongue.

When Logan squeezed their joined hands, he sighed and covered his eyes with his free hand.

“That time we were studying here, before finals, and I suddenly knocked your cap off your head, but then— but then you offered me your earpiece, and—”

“And _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ was playing?” 

Logan’s voice sounded so incredulous that Finn _had_ to peek at him through a small gap between his fingers.

His green eyes were glittering again, but this time the corners were crinkled, and then he was _smiling_. It was a small, disbelieving smile at first, but as he saw Finn’s face redden even more, his whole face split into a grin.

“God, Harz, you are _such_ a sap.” His smile widened.

It was _blinding_.

Finn couldn’t help but give him a lopsided grin in return, though his hand was still half covering his eyes. 

“You love it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

His hand dropped from his face, and he reached out to touch the fleur-de-lis necklace resting on the middle of Logan’s chest, atop the maroon letter V. He let go, gripping the front of his sweatshirt instead, and pulled him in for a slow, tender kiss.

Their lips moved in unison, savouring each other. They took their time to explore each other’s mouths, and at one point, Logan pulled Finn’s bottom lip between his teeth and bit down lightly. Finn sighed and parted his lips, letting Logan’s tongue slip into his mouth. The strong taste of the chai mixed with the caramel and espresso, forming a perfect blend of _them_.

Finn felt like he was floating. His head was spinning just a little, dizzy from their kiss, and his pounding heartbeat reverberated throughout his entire body. His face was both warm from his blush and cold from the strong wind blowing in his direction, and he figured his hair was a right untameable mess, but he _really_ couldn’t be bothered at that moment.

Logan broke the kiss first, leaning his forehead against Finn’s. They were both breathing heavily, running on lack of sleep and the adrenaline of the past twenty four hours’ events.

He opened his eyes to see Logan staring back at him, a small content smile on his lips. Up close, he could see the gold flecks among the greens of his irises. Overcome with emotion and relief and _love_ , he leaned in again, placing a brief kiss to the corner of Logan’s mouth.

Something shifted in Logan’s eyes then. He broke eye contact, pulling back to put some distance between himself and Finn, although he didn’t let go of Finn’s hand.

“But— What about…” He licked his lips, looking so unsure of himself, and scared too, as though he was afraid that he was dreaming and was about to wake up any second.

Finn frowned in confusion. He resumed rubbing small circles on the back of Logan’s palm as he hummed in question.

“What about…?”

“Leo,” Logan didn’t meet Finn’s eye. He was biting his lip again.

Finn scooted his chair over, closer to Logan, and placed his free hand on top of Logan’s and his intertwined fingers.

“Will you listen to what I have to say? Please?” Logan’s eyes raised to meet Finn’s uncertain ones. He nodded.

“Leo, he— He’s a sweet boy. He took care of me on days when— when I was lonely, you know?” He smiled sadly at Logan, squeezing his hand lightly. “I was a mess when you chose to stay with Dumo. I had just about worked up the courage to, y'know, ask you to live with me. I never thought you’d choose not to.”

Logan made a low noise in his throat, evidently remembering that night outside of _Sid’s_ too.

“He’s… He’s young, but he’s so mature. More than both of us combined, I reckon,” A cheeky smile appeared on Finn’s lips for a moment before the smile dropped abruptly. He cleared his throat softly and continued.

“He needed a place to stay. I know he told the team that he just didn’t want to stay in a hotel, but the truth is… He didn’t have the means to. And I couldn’t let him be, y’know? I couldn’t just _leave_ him to struggle. He was always a good teammate, a friend. When he came up to me to ask for advice, I had to help. Afterwards, I would— I would notice him doing nice things for me. Offering to grab takeout, doing grocery shopping when we were low on stuff, charging my phone on nights when I’d fall asleep in front of the couch. I never realised. I thought he was just, repaying the kindness, yeah? But then when you mentioned it yesterday afternoon, it just, it hit me. And I didn’t know what to do with it, because— I had started to… He’s, yeah— always looking out for me when sometimes _I_ don’t look out for me. He’s smart, and really witty, and I think, no, I know— I like him too.”

Logan didn’t respond for a while. Eventually, he spoke up, his voice small. “So, what happens now? Will you have to, I don’t know— What are you gonna…” He gestured vaguely, trailing off, obviously unsure of what to do or say.

“I…” Finn’s eyes darted around Logan’s face anxiously. His green eyes were dark, and Finn didn’t know what to make of that. 

“Leo told me that— Fuck, this is going to sound weird. I never even thought it was possible, I don’t know— Right. Erm, he told me that it’s… Okay? To fall for two people at once. He said that it was… Reasonable. That with communication, and— and some sort of consensus, or compromise, there’d be something worth, y’know, fighting for. If that makes sense?”

He groaned, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. It had made so much sense when Leo had said these words to him, but he thought he sounded a right tosser at that moment.

“I don’t know, _fuck—_ It sounded much better coming from him. Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

Logan simply looked at him thoughtfully for several minutes, not saying a word. 

“I’m not… entirely sure I know what you mean. How would— How would that work?” Logan’s brows were furrowed, but he didn’t look angry, so Finn took that as a sign to carry on. 

“Ah… I wouldn’t say I’m an… expert, on the topic,” Finn admitted, his face still flushed. “But I did some, uh, research. Like, literally typed ‘What do you do when you’ve fallen for two people at the same time’ into Google kind of research.”

Logan nodded solemnly, squeezing his hand, and Finn continued, desperately trying to organise his thoughts properly so he wouldn’t get the wrong message across. 

“And,” He swallowed dryly. “I think Leo’s trying to suggest a— a three-way sort of thing? I can’t exactly, uh, remember the exact term for it, but he seems to be considering the idea.”

“You mean… a threesome?” Logan just looked confused.

“Yeah, I mean, no, not exactly,” He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. He hadn’t expected this to be such a difficult topic to broach, but he wanted to put the option out there either way. No more secrets or pretenses. 

“It’s… more than that. It’s not just sex, but a— an actual relationship, between— between three people,” Finn searched Logan’s eyes for any sort of indication on how he felt. 

Logan’s eyes widened. Finn felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“... _Oh_.”

“Oh?”

“Huh. I’ve never… thought about it.”

“I’m not, y’know, forcing you or anything like that,” Finn said hurriedly. “I just want to, uh, talk about it. Tell you what I know and what I’ve learnt. We don’t have to do anything about it now. Just, will you come home with me? Please. Dumo and Celeste and the kids need you. _I_ need you.”

Logan swallowed, before nodding.

“Oui. Oui, let’s go home. But maybe, could we get lunch first? I’m kinda starving.”

Finn let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s. Pizza?”

Logan snorted quietly. “You and your pizza. _Always._ ”

Finn laughed loudly. 

“Could never forget it. It’s almost as good as _Sid’s_.”

“Is _not_ ,” Logan huffed indignantly.

“You’ve just got bad taste,” Finn smirked.

“No, I don’t,” He raised an eyebrow, eyes boring into Finn’s. 

Finn blushed, and his smile softened and he pulled them both onto their feet, hugging him once again. He felt Logan’s ear press against his chest, and he was sure he could hear his racing heartbeat at their proximity.

“Harz.”

“Mmmm?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running away.”

He shook his head, smiling, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

“... I love you.”

“Je t’aime aussi, Harz.”

******

The trip back to Gryffindor went by a lot quicker than Finn’s trip earlier that morning, and the two boys made steady conversation as Finn drove. Between them, their fingers were laced together, only letting go occasionally when Finn needed both hands on the wheel. 

Logan broke a short lapse of silence, tone contemplative, “Let’s do it. Let’s talk to Leo when we get back, oui? I don’t know how it’s going to go, but… I’m willing to give it a shot.”

Finn’s heart felt like it was going to burst. He honestly wasn’t sure how it’d go either, but he believed that between consulting Leo, some research, a lot of communicating, and an open mind, they’d be able to make things work somehow. 

“Both of you,” He turned to look at Logan, a small smile gracing his lips, “Are worth fighting for. And I’m going to fight. The two of you are so, _so_ lovely.”

The adoring look he received was all the response he needed.

Not five minutes later, Finn took his eyes off the road again when Logan hadn’t said a word.

“Did you even sleep at all last night?”

“Hmmm?” Logan’s eyes were fluttering shut without even realising. He blinked a few times.

Finn brought their hands up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Logan’s hand. 

“Sleep, mon amour.”

  
 _My Love_ accompanied them on the speakers all the way back home.


End file.
